Today is my fathers birthday he would have been 78, he died a few years ago. Strangely I feel closer to him now than I ever did when we was alive, it seems I am not alone in this feeling. As I got my honest with myself about my relationship with my parents I got more metoo moments from others who felt the same but were afraid to find peace with it.
My dad was never emotionally available and when he died he cried not because of what he was leaving behind but because he was finally going to be back with his own father and grandfather who had both died when he was only 15, both suddenly and both within 6 months of each other. It was a series of tragic events that ripped their family apart. My father suffered further tragedy when his younger brother who was a twin then fell infront of a train a few years later, his twin never truly rejoined society and my father was a figure who was never really there, emotionally absent.It’s a theme that runs deep in the male psyche.
I was in my 30’s when I began making sense of all the jigsaw puzzles and it was not until my father died that I truly let go of what I thought I needed but never got.
Self-acceptance never comes from outside of us no matter who we are and being enough in this world is a decision we must make ourselves but understanding that sometimes hurt people never heal not because they don’t want to or because of anything you did but because the fear of being whole is far more scary than ‘letting go’ of the past. My dad spent his life wishing he could turn back the clock and never being present but he ironically taught me that no matter how much trauma we face in life it’s not what happens that defines us but how we respond and when we have strong roots and wings and a why that is bigger than us, we see life in all its colour and we teach future generations to be stronger and more resilient than the one before. ‘keep calm and carry on’ is not longer healthy. My father is happy now and I am passing on a belief system that trusts more than it fears and my children can live life well knowing there is strength in vulnerability and resilience.
#resilience #trauma #wellbeing #youareenough #nervoussystem
